Wednesday 18 January 2017

Valentin and the public; exam

It has just been a day, twenty four hours, yet it seems like it has been so long.
So i begun today feeling good. Well rested. I rushed to work. I was late. But i am cutting through with it. I am being enabled. And so i continue to do it.
Then came the OT. Exciting time doing a VIP. case. My seniors asked me for a treat because i did a case of labour analgesia. I did treat them. And that too well. It was long due. And why not. For people who do something for you even though they don't have to. Glad i took the efforts.
And then came the bomb. My seniors said, " you should have told us you liked him. We would have helped you." I was kind of shocked. How did they know?! Somebody told them about Valentin. It was bad enough that so many friends know it. But now people in my department are saying stuff like, "why didn't you say anything.", "it's okay" and "oh i won't bring up the topic that hurts you". Damn! Surprisingly i didn't feel...much. Just some shock that they knew. I am done feeling like we should have worked. I have accepted that he didn't want me. And that this is for the best. I truly have.
I often try to look for faults in him, try to find ways in which he did me wrong. But i quickly realize that i made all the choices. Only i am responsible for what happened.
I was concerned about what people will say. It was a major concern. But the wise me knows, that only the truth matters. Not what people think. And people will talk, no matter what. If they want to good about me, they will. Irrespective of the truth.

The day went on. I geared up for my exam, which went royally down the drain. But before that i had a nice chat with sone seniors. Like we were good friends. It felt good. I am just so comfortable around some of my seniors.

The exam though. Man it sucked. I just, felt drained out. I couldn't focus. Yesterday i was so charged. I wonder, what made the difference. Tea? Sleep? Stomach bloat?

I was a little bad when it comes to diet today. Very random. Not overload but not measured either.
Looking forward to my Saturday trip.

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