Monday 16 January 2017

Need for certainty and significance

Is it just me or is it everyone, who kind of needs for the day to move on predictably, as per her wishes?

I think, simply to realize the fact that you have this need is a difficult task. You really need to be mindful.

So today, my routine OT got over pretty damn soon. Trust me when i say that. I was free. Something i crave very often. I decided to not try to escape from the OT, because let's face it, i was not going to do anything very different at my hostel room. I would have slept or surfed the internet or something like that, nothing i couldn't do in the OT itself. But oh lord, i was so freaking bored the whole time. I did not know what to do. I felt out of place. I felt confused. I felt frustrated. There was no work and i was stuck. I could have and should have studied. But i just didn't.

It is at this point that i realized, how much i crave certainty and predictability. How much i need to embrace vulnerability.

I realized that an empty nutshell is a cooking pot for a variety of thoughts, which can be gross mis-interpretations.

I was also frustrated because i did over time without any compensation while my colleague frolicked.

Of course, i am the one responsible for all these frustrations, not anything else. That is just the way life is. You are responsible for everything that happens to you.

In other news, EVERYONE IS GETTING MARRIED. And i don't give a damn. This surprises me.

Yesterday, i was ordered to do over time and i was cool about it. I accepted it. And adjusted to it. This surprises me too. My reactions surprise me.

I still need to learn the way you talk to people, with diplomacy and to cut them off too, with diplomacy.

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