Why?

It's funny, how the peace i had restored in my mind was disrupted by one small news, how that balance was swung one way.
Am i making a big issue of it? Over reacting? How real are my feelings? Why am i feeling them when i had explained it all to myself?
With work you don't even realize where the day goes. I wonder if that's good or bad.
I just fantasized about my weekend. A weekend to myself. May be I'll write yearly entry...finally.
With him i realized i was using him to fulfil my need for significance.
I don't understand. Some thought of old times, old dreams and expectations pops up and leaves me in mist of emotions. Earlier it used to be a mist of hope primarily. Now it's just sadness.
Funny this is what it took for me to get ready to marry. I knew from the outset where this was going to go. Well, kind of. I did not expect him to get engaged, at all. But i knew we were not going to be. The surprises for me are my unexpected feelings. I so did not expect to feel so much.
But i know, this is the nonsense automated shit. We have control over our emotions. We can master them.