Morning blues

Before i met him, I was averse to the idea of getting married. I didn't want to. I was not ready. I loved my life.
After meeting him, i felt like i could marry him. I was averse to the idea of marriage, still. But if it was with him, then i was ready.
And now when he is marrying another girl, i feel kind of desperate for a "partner". Somewhere inside i have immature thought that i want to get married before him. That he should have to see it.
With him as my crush, i was satisfying a need of mine. And now there is hollow left there. I wonder what need and how to fulfil it.
I woke up in pain. The sheer incessantness of my schedule and him with her. Gratitude...is what i need to practice.
I had a lovely wine and dine with my girls yesterday. It felt shallow, in a way.