Lucky me

Okay here we go...i really feel like connecting with myself today. I feel like i am slowly drifting to that land of lostness. It is not pretty. I need certainty for peace of mind.
So here i am. Sprawled comfortably on my bed converted to sofa, very well fed, body stretched out and tired, done for the day, with a pretty candle lit in my room and all lights out. Am i lucky or what? Like seriously, am i lucky or what? So grateful right now.
So February began. And i don't have a plan yet. Probably why i am getting that feeling again.
I also feel lucky to have met a friend like Savannah. I often hope that she will behave the way i want her to, that she will give me prime precedence always. I get possessive at time. But i have learnt to give her her space. And realize that she is not my toy. She has her own preferences and dreams.
Work has been frustrating. A hectic routine ot. Emergencies are never peaceful. It is the working with seniors and keeping upto their expectations that is difficult. So many of them with varied attitudes and expectations. And it has all fallen upon me. I think once i set me plan for Feb everything will become tolerable.
Let me talk about how i ate today. I ate so well, oh my god! I have satisfied my great craving. I having longing to hog on pav bhaaji for so long now. And i had a good appetite today evening. So i went for it. And man did i eat. It was yummy, yummy, yummy. I feel full. Reminds me of the days i used to hog on pav bhaaji at home.
Mmm.
I feel kind of emotional today. I miss mommy and daddy. Hearing their voice felt so good. I actually miss them and Polo and home. I miss home. Never thought i would say that. As toxic as that environment is these are my people and i know them to their bones and i love them and i would happily die for them. So what i meant...emotional alright.
I noticed myself falling on old patterns when it comes to Valentin. But i realized it and went in the other direction. Pretty okay there. Doesn't matter much now. He chooses how close we stay ahead of this.