I want to talk about my thought process everytime i am on call. I always fall into this confusion as to what to do in my free time. And it makes me feel like i am losing time. I don't feel constructive unless there are cases.
The other thing is that i hope for comfort on call days. I hope to be comfortable in my emergency duty. How do i not see that i am setting myself up for disappointment. An emergency duty is not a place for comfort. Some severe perception change required here.
I just feel like it is not the duty itself that is tiring or different, it is my thought process. I mean, on a routine day, what do i do so different from what i do on a call day. What indeed.
I hurry to the gym, i hurry dinner, i hope to study, i do a night routine and sleep. I think the only different thing is the surity that my sleep will not be disturbed. And a certain comfort of being in my room where i will not be disturbed.
It is only the fear of being awoken that prevents me from enjoying my calls.
So do not fear my love. Greet it and meet it as it comes.
I want to be passionate. Love is so beautiful. I saw a father stroking his ill daughter and it filled me with something so warm. Love....is beautiful. Love.
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