Time out; the meet after the talk

So, it has been six hours. Yes, it has. Ten hours to be precise. Checking in.
Took my time today morning. Called up my workplace and said I didn't feel well, that I had stomach ache. Truth is I really didn't feel well but not because I needed physical rest. I needed time, time for my mind. "Me time." To just remind myself why I am doing what I'm doing, what I need to do...blah blah.
Felt good taking that time. Although i was judged for it. And i am sure many suspected i was faking my illness. But i decided to go ahead anyway. I come first. I am important.
Since then life has been a whirlwind of work. Constant and strenuous. I often felt like questioning my work. Funny i never felt like this in my ortho posting. May be it was because he was there. May be it was because it was chill.
At any rate, it feels good to be conscious like this. Actually, now that I think about it, i did feel lost many a times even last posting. The only difference is that this time, i question work, the sequence of work, the actions of work. Last month, i questioned my direction.
But i know, one look at my purpose, that i have thought and defined for myself and i will be clear. But i do need to remind myself of it.

Then i had a lovely time with my friends. A good talk, good food, happiness. One thing, you have to have like minded people to have a good time. You cannot have a good time if you know someone in the group is down. Which supports my claim that friend circles should be small, but plenty.

And then, oh my god and then, we met. We met for the first time after our talk. And it is awkward in a very comfortable way. Weird, right! We saw each other. He looked away. Clean shaven, he looked cute, as always. I came closer and literally asked my question to thin air, but he knew it was for him. He gestured an answer. Didn't speak it out. I smiled weirdly and left. The thing is that, not talking this time and the awkwardness this time was for a reason, known to both of us.
Previously it was me, trying to talk to him and him refusing to and then me wondering about it. Not anymore. This is good. Wish i had done it sooner. And this, is how, we learn.
How crazy is it, that we must learn through our mistakes. That we must make them, to learn.
I really love dissecting my life out like this. Why does everybody not do it? It is such a purge, puts me in another state.