True Love

Does true love exist at all? I am talking about love that is beyond blood. With your family, I feel like the love is just inherently unconditional. I have seen it and felt it, I don't doubt it. But when it comes to love beyond that, romantic love, I have seen nothing but despair. I know, most will say I have not seen enough. But somebody, just tell me it exists?
I only see marriages saved by the birth of children, young couples lasting until the novelty lasts, couples staying together because they just must...does true love exist at all?
While we are on the subject, I just want to take a moment to try and define this complex emotion.
Love is when you look at that person and feel like, "I just want this person to be happy forever, I am willing to do anything for this person, my life without this person will remain incomplete." That is what I think is love. 

Sacrifices

Would you make a sacrifice for someone you love even though that person is not going to acknowledge it at all? Even though that sacrifice really hurts you? What if it is always you who is sacrificing?
I feel like I have been doing this for very long. And I know being like this has hurt me and made me bitter. But isn't doing this selfless, altruistic and fulfilling? I'm confused.
Oh the paradoxes of life...I hate them. Let me change that to - oh, how interesting they are! Because perception is everything. This much I have learnt.
What if the person you love is difficult and toxic? What do you do? I think you decide if the relationship is worth it. If the sacrifice of your energy in dealing with the toxicity is worth it.
Relationships, is undoubtedly the most difficult area of life to figure out.

Distance

Isn't it crazy how sometimes, this one person totally captivates you. You cannot stop thinking about that person. That person drives you crazy. It is almost like that person becomes your gravity. You cannot bear the thought of separation. It saddens you. You ignore or justify anything that you don't like about that person.
But then something happens and you are in a new place with new people. You meet another person who blows you off your feet. And the memory of the person before slowly starts to fade away. You wonder why you felt what you felt in the very first place.
I just think, this is so insane and tragic. Don't you?
How something that means so much can just fade away. Just like that. Just by distance.

Amber - Beautiful

I was blown away with this song the first time I heard it. I think I was having a headache that day, I heard this song and BAM! Headache gone. I think I replayed it a good ten times. It really is surprising how so many rappers actually sing really, really well. Amber sure surprised her. I wish I could see this side of her more often. I wish I could see her be more girly sometimes, but that would take away her uniqueness, wouldn't it?
Writing lyrics to this song was easy for me. The song has a meaning that I resonated with. It is about falling down and getting up. Having your wings betray you and then trying to fly. Totally loved this song.
Anyway here is the information for those of you who wish to sing this song and don't know Korean:

Instrumental by Shekespearinator - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ljwALbkd3z8

Lyrics by Es.el. -

The night is dark and I
must hold my head down because
this endless night holds, my frail soul captive
yeah
I couldn't spread wings enough, I just had them go
it's a sad tale
this world is like a small cage, but i can still sing for my fallen wings

so that my dream can
shine bright
in the clear blue sky
and then may be, my heart will beat
My frozen dream will, be alive, I'll wait for that day
my wings will come alive,
high up in the sky.

I've realized it now, that pain is inevitable
that every wound will heal, leaving the pain far

so that my dream can
shine bright
in the clear blue sky
and then may be, my heart will beat
My frozen dream will be alive, I'll wait for that day
my wings will come alive,
high up in the sky.

Those sharp words cut my heart deeply,
I clench my teeth
and I fight through it Even though its gonna burn
I know I’m going to heal, and I’m always looking up
Even though it’s dark I’m gonna find the light
I’m going to smile
I’ll keep smiling
I”m a fighter
I never give up
I keep on flying
Fly
Fly again
My dreams come back from the far far future
I'ma just be me
Yeah only me
I'ma just be me yeah yeah


Now I can fly high, with no fear,
witness to my scars
and inspite of
the darkness
I lifted my wings to the light
now i'll just say this

I’m just happy
I’m happy to be myself
I’m happy to be myself

India's Daughter - The BBC Documentary - Shocks

The documentary is off air now. The story that was crying to be heard is now not available. Honestly, I don't understand what prompted our government to take it off. This is assuming our government regards the upliftment of our society as an important topic.

Luckily I watched it. And let me tell you, a few things said in the documentary shocked me. Even though my tolerance for shock is quite high.

The first shocking thing - the rapist being interviewed seemed sensible! Now before you bash me over saying this, hear me out. He said some pretty sad things like, "The girl is responsible", girls shouldn't do this and that, and the girl should not have fought back. The saddest thing he said was that hanging us will put girls at even more of a danger.
But whatever he said, he said it in a honest, unbiased way. He was not arrogant, nor sorry. In his mind, he was 100% right. Everything he said was a reflection of his up bringing and past circumstances. He was taught, rather he saw, growing up that girls shouldn't be doing some things. He formed his beliefs. And he won't feel sorry for what he did until those beliefs change.

The next shock - the defense lawyers. I never imagined that people from even an educated society could have the same mentality as the rapists! Seriously, the things they were saying were so absurd that they bordered hilarious. Here is what one of them said, "A girl is like a flower. Put the flower in a gutter and it will go bad. Put it in a temple and it will be worshiped." I have no idea what point was supposed to be made with this analogy. But the height of ridiculousness was when another lawyer claimed that he would burn his daughter if she did certain 'wrong' things. Forget everything for a moment, how the hell can a parent make such a statement.

Shock #3 - One of the rapist's wife's reaction was heart breaking. She is so utterly devoted to her husband. She does not believe this incident. She goes ahead to say that she and her son have no reason to live if her husband dies. Coming from roots wherein I was always encouraged to have a life of my own, it was very difficult for me to see this. There are women who believe their sole purpose/duty is to do what their husbands want.

Shock #4 - The comments section of video. People can find fault in every freaking thing there is. Not to mention the anti - India or anti - BBC talk going on. Why, oh why can't people focus on the main issue here -
WE NEED CHANGE. WE NEED EDUCATION AND AWARENESS IN OUR SOCIETY TO CHANGE EXISTING MENTALITIES.

PS. Does the juvenile offender have no name? Why was he being referred to as 'juvenile' by everyone? Is it not legal or something?

The Wheel Of Life

So today I came across this very interesting thing while surfing the internet. It is 'The Wheel Of Life'. I found out about it through my favorite, Tony Robbins. While researching it, I also found that this a very popular tool used by many. I think Tony has just re-invented the classic. I love Tony Robbins, he is just one of those people you can keep listening to.
Well, he says that for our lives to be happy, we need to have the components of the wheel taken care off in the order that he describes it. It is more like a pyramid to me. I don't know why he is popularizing it as a wheel. Haha.
So here are the components with the most important coming first.
1.Physical body
2.Emotions and meaning
3.Relationships
4.Time management
5.Career
6.Finances
7.Contribution/celebration

Now you can go into the details of each these by checking out Tony on this website -
https://humanelevation.tonyrobbins.com/wheel-of-life/welcome

I would definitely urge everyone to go and check this out. It might revolutionize your life, if not enhance it a little.
Recently, I began journaling. And I realized that everything I wrote about could be classified into these components of the wheel. This was interesting to me because then, if you want a check on your life, all you have to do is go through each of these components. And bang! you have your life in order. I even created a super to-go mnemonic for this - BERT CFC.

Just writing this makes me realize what a organize freak I am. But hey, it's a good trait to have I'd say.

Reptilian Brain - right or wrong

In my pursue to grow to new levels I have encountered a very interesting 'controversy', if I may call it that.
This involves two people who are influencing thousands of people everyday. They are - Leo Gura and Elliot Hulse. In case you didn't know, they are both popular YouTubers. They are both involved in personal development.
I have come to love and believe both them. However, I found that regarding one theory, they both have drastically different opinions. Now this, confuses me because both their theories make sense. Let's go into the details.

Leo says that your reptilian brain is focused on survival. So if we continually feel threatened and concentrate on surviving, our prefrontal cortex/human brain cannot act sufficiently. There is no room for ideas, creativity if we just focus on surviving. And so it is essential to keep our reptilian brain mellowed down.

Elliot says that we use our neo cortex too much. Our modern day society demands use to continually use our 'brain' too much. We don't act instinctively anymore. Everything is reasoned and logical. This causes us become kind of like robots. No spontaneity, no motion, no physical activity. That is the way things are with most of us. So he says that it is important shut our higher brain sometimes, to let our brainstem/ reptilian brain act.

So what the hell am I supposed to do. Listening my reptilian brain leads to negative thoughts but not listening to it leads to robot-ness.

Actually, while writing this I think I've kind of figured who to believe on this topic. I think Leo has got it wrong. I don't think negative thoughts originate from our reptilian brain. I think they originate from our neo cortex. I think they come due to 'over-thinking'.
I would really love to hear your opinions regarding this.

Blue Memories

Don't be fooled by title. I'm talking about 'Blue' memories. 'Blue' - the English band. And I have the most fond Blue memories. It would not be an exaggeration to say that it was their music that truly got me into music.
I remember my friends saying, "You have to check these songs out! Here, we'll sing some for you." And they sung 'All Rise'. It did not sound good at all. Lol. They weren't 'singers'. But I did listen to the track. And man, was I hooked. Not only was it great music. It was four hot guys singing great music. I swore 'Blue' would be my favorite band forever and ever and ever.
One listen to 'One Love' now, and I'm transported back to my childhood. Replaying the song ruthlessly, knowing every ahh and ooh of the song, dreaming of meeting them someday. Damn, those were the days.
I'm talking about music from about a decade ago. Compare that to the music now and I feel just sad. How the trends change!
The things we experience while growing up stay with us forever. They are the things we'll love or hate forever. I'm pretty sure kids today will say how amazing the music from 2015 was compared to 2025. Just like I'm saying how amazing the 2004 music was compared to 2014.

Can you be with yourself?

I wake up. I have things to do. Get ready. Work. Eat. Exercise. Watch TV. Chat. When we finally are by ourselves, we have our phones with us. Quickly, we escape into the gadget. Then after a while our batteries are drained. Yes, our's, along with the phone's. Lol. And it's time to sleep.
I wake up, again. You know what follows.
Have you ever tried spending time with yourself? Just being with yourself. Realizing and feeling the various sensations in your body. Acknowledging the thoughts that arise. Introspect a little may be? I've been giving myself some time lately. And let me tell you, it can be frightening to just be. No wonder, we escape into this and that.
You suddenly realize how receptive your body is to your mind. Tense thoughts, tense body. Relaxed thoughts, relaxed body.
Being with yourself reminds you of the pains and gains of the past, the longing for your desires in the future. You realize how very fragile and vulnerable you are. Not in a physical sense. But in a psychological sense.
But after being with me for sometime. After thinking, feeling, embracing, loving myself. I find that I have deepened the relationship, the most sacred relationship, between me and my body. I feel a sense of mattering and belonging. I feel inner peace.


Picture credit - http://www.truthinsideofyou.org/digest-inner-peace-yoga-meditation/

Crush

How can one person have such an effect on another person? It is just ridiculous. It was like she looked at the world through a veil of...love...I guess. She told me she couldn't think straight. Her crush was there in her thoughts, always. I could see the effect this crush was having on her. She smiled like crazy. She could focus on nothing. She sang a lot. She trembled every time she was near her crush. She was extremely picky about what she wore, how her hair looked, if she was slim enough or curvy enough.
"The world was beautiful again. It's so wonderful to be in love. This feeling I'm feeling right now is irreplaceable", she said.
Funny enough though, she couldn't even talk to her crush! It was almost like she stayed clear of a few feet from her crush. How was anything ever going to happen I told her.
I was especially happy for her because she had been through so much in the past year and a half. She had had no love for a while now. It was nice seeing her in the smitten frenzy. But I was also afraid of what might happen when her heart broke. "Don't get your hopes up to high. You know things are never work out here", I wanted to tell her. But she knew that. Yet she was smitten. You really can't control a heart can you? It wants what it wants.
Love - can make you do crazy things.
Little did she know that it was not love, it was a 'crush'. And the feeling would go just as soon as it came. And then wonder, why it came in very the first place.

Vacations do not bore me!

All us medical students who embarked on the journey to pursue post-graduation were on a rough road for almost a year, if not more. It was a period of time when doing anything other than studying felt like a crime. At least to me, it did. Well anyway, after an insanely long time, that period of my life is now over. I am officially on vacation now.
What surprises me is how easily I fell into it! It is almost like that torturous period is a distant memory. Waking up late which was once a rare luxury, is now routine. But I realize how treasured this is. I wish everyone who gets it values it too. It's little things in life that we need to realize and be thankful for. What's the point of just existing and getting into routine after routine. As Stacie Orrico said, "there's gotta be more to life than chasing down every temporary high." God I love that song. *goes and plays it*
I don't why I got around to writing this spiritual shit. This is not what I intended to write about. Hehe.
What I wanted to say was - vacations do not bore me. I know a tonne of people who say, "I'm getting bored", "there's nothing to do", "i need to find something to do". It's crazy but I have never had this 'problem'. Am I weird to not have it?
I have SO many things I want to do, things I want to learn. I've have lists full of them. And I was just itching to do them. I don't have time, I have so many things to do in vacations.
In fact, the problem I face is that I don't want to over work myself because this is vacation and who knows when I'll be able sleep and relax again. It scares me a little that I'm different like this. If you're different like this too, tell me!
I think this boils down to my childhood. In school or even until early college, I wasn't 'allowed' to go out much. It's crazy how our upbringing defines us. So anyway, I relied on other stuff for entertainment, I was always looking for things to do back then. And now they've just become a part of me.

Dissing 'All India Bakchod' for the wrong reasons?

Ok, if you think I'm here to chastise the recent AIB (All India Bakchod) roast for its foul language and vulgar jokes, then you're wrong. I'm quite okay with it, in fact. It is entertaining. Period. I am here to express my sorrow at the unceasing degradation of the entertainment we are exposed to.  It is just sad that the world today needs such a shallow form of entertainment. Sad that people needed to be abused for the sake of entertainment.

The best word to describe this roast was awkward. People putting on faces of laughter when it was so clear that underneath they were all like, "Wtf man, shut up already." It was so fucking apparent that they were all fake laughing there.

Making fun of others to extremely inappropriate personal levels, using filthy words, oh and not to mention obscene gestures. All these things generate publicity and that's all that matters, right? But is not heart breaking?

I recently came across this knowledge that after spending our time on work, sleep and other routine activities, we barely have some 3-4 hours to ourselves. Precious time which can be used to develop our hobbies or learn new skills. Precious time to be with ourselves, talk to our families, meditate may be. Precious time to move closer to our dreams. But we choose to spend it watching TV. And now the entertainment industry is selling the cheapest kind it has. I hope we can agree that Indian TV today showcases too much shallowness. And this both saddens and scares me.
The youth is so fucked up thanks to all this. They don't even have the awareness that watching this shit is screwing them.

I hope reading this stirs something in you and keeps you from this using shows like these for pleasure.

PS. I had a headache midway through watching this and also I didn't get many of the jokes. And I also know I'm not the only one.

Watching the Republic Day Parade?

So tomorrow is India's 66th Republic Day. 66 years since the Constitution of India came into life. Cool, isn't it. I am a little ashamed to say that I have not even once watched the Republic Day Parade in the past 10 years. I've always been caught up with studies or something else. And I know I am not the only one. 

We just let our routine and daily stresses take over our lives. Never finding the time to think about our nation, unless there is a media hype. That is just the way we roll nowadays. No time for our country, no time for health, no time for family, no time for ourselves, just no time. 
Sad.
This time, try to make some time to enjoy the Republic Day holiday watching the parade with people that matter to you.
I know I'm going to. Plus for the first time in history, a US president (Barack Obama) is going to be chief guest at the parade, Prime minister Modi will be giving his speech, 'Naari Shakti' is the theme!

Some day I hope to watch it live. Until then, here is where you can watch it online (live streaming)-

Live Stream Republic Day Parade

Being Human

After having a fairly tumultuous 2014, I realized what a crazy adventure life can be. It got me thinking. There are so many beautiful living creatures on this mad planet. What makes humans so special? What is BEING HUMAN?

We can laugh, appreciate, love, be wise. We understand time. We have awareness of death. We have self consciousness, a sense of morality. We truly are unique beings. Each one of us special. After all, all of us beat the competition of millions to come into existence. I assume you know that only sperm fertilizes a female egg. Point being, YOU ARE SPECIAL. You kind of have a responsibility to live a wonderful, meaningful existence.

It is essential that we 'grow'. Every mistake you make, every emotion you feel, every experience you have, every struggle and challenge, makes you grow. That's how we fulfill the responsibility of being human. Through this blog I hope to contribute to that by sharing my story and I hoping to hear some of yours.

THE FIGHTER

They are all over the place aren't they. Those people who have their life 'set'. It seems like they have everything that you need, right?!!

And you're thinking, "Why the fuck am I not among them? I put in just as much hard work as they did. I have it in me. I can do it. And I tried so hard. Then why?! Why? Why? Why? Why did I not get 'the rank'?"

I am not here to bash the winners. I am here to get into the psyche of the, so called, 'loser'.
No, I won't call you a loser. You are a FIGHTER! Yes! A fighter!

So read this my 'fighter'-

Life is not fair. SHIT HAPPENS. Freaking deal with it! Don't sit there and cry like a baby.
You know what you want, right?

Then go after it!!!! Do NOT let anything stop you. You are unstoppable.
You may not have it now. But one day you will.
Believe it or not, the harder your journey, the stronger you will be. If you don't struggle in life, if you get it easy, if you give up right now -
then you will remain a pussy cat. You will never be a tiger. You will never get your dreams. You will never realize your potential.
So don't compromise. Don't give up. Get your act together. And go for what you want. Keep going.

Comment below (you can even comment as anonymous) what it is that you want. And share this with your fellows who need help.